.
Monday, November 21, 2011
The best faces in this world are the ones that lights up when they talk about their passion. They find reasons to bring up this one and only interest of theirs, be it crafting, stamp collecting or even politics. They can spend hours arguing on it, not because they will get emotions involved, but because it triggers a fire in them to always be better, to always go deeper into said interest.
Because those varieties run the economy, they run this world.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
|
On marriage & equality..
Monday, November 14, 2011
The first I heard of Malaysia's Obedient Wives Club was when my Journalist friend told me she got back from their first meeting (as an assignment). Then some of my friends grew angry on social network, about the news of this new club. Many were talking about the fact that they said, "We want to teach wives to be more appealing, alluring to their husbands, so that they (husbands) won't stray to prostitutes."
For a while now, I had said nothing. Because I didn't want to say something out of rage.
But today I've decided to publish my opinion.
1. Obedient Wives Club is a sign that Patriarchy is winning in Third World Countries.
Many individual stories about men patronizing women in everyday context, but OWC took the headlines. OWC made it very clear that women choose to adapt to men, than seek pleasure of their own.
It's not the marriage that I am against. I believe in love, I believe in marriage, I believe in being a good person when in relationship. However, the formation of OWC is clearly to "be an obedient wife so the men don't go to prostitutes".
Let's break down that motto
Be an obedient wife: This is already a gender biased sentence. Marriage is a commitment between 2 people.
Anthropologically speaking, and mentioned in a great article 'All the Single Ladies by Kate Bolick' (link), before "love marriages" came about, marriage was about building bridges among two families. Each family have a property/land/income of their own, and would like to expand their businesses and generations. So before Romeo and Juliet fought for love and ran away, marriages was an equal agreement on economic grounds and mutual interests.
Forward to the age of 'love marriages', where "two people in love" is always the big headline of the wedding day, therefore that same headline must be brought to the marriage, yes? That means, whatever decisions in marriage, must be a compromise or a middle ground. Both have a say.
That 'obedient wife' phrase just blew equality to the ground. If a wife must be obedient, then husbands should be too. That means, if their wives are obedient, and have vowed to be obedient, the husbands must also take on the title of being 'the obedient husband'. Now that's equality.
So men don't go to prostitutes - feminism fights for equality and human rights. Some women may or may not choose to go into prostitution. But that is their right. You may disagree and say, their profession is disrespectful, but it is their right to be in that profession. Just like how people choose to be Doctors, or Lawyers.
By saying that 2nd motto above, OWC not only creates a clear distinction between 'Wives' and 'The Other Woman (Prostitutes)' but subconsciously fights their own gender. Its women versus women here. The only difference is that one is married to the man, the other is not.
How are we going to achieve equality if we're fighting amongst ourselves? How are we going to fight patriarchy, if we're still creating class and distinction among women?
2. On polygamy.
Having a stand against or for polygamy is human rights. But personally, in the context of equality, if men are allowed to do one thing, women should too.
So, if men are allowed to have 4 wives, women should be allowed to have 4 husbands. And that is the answer I'm going to give, if God forbid, my future husband asks me what would I think if he were to take up another wife,
"Okay, so you want another wife? I'll say yes. But that means I can marry another man."
The other issue on polygamy is that, they said, men who are polygamous must be fair towards all 4 women.
Women are capable of being polygamous too. Women are able to divide their attention to all their children and husband. Women are able to juggle careers and their family. When women generate income, it would be for a family.
As said in this article, (link) written by Soraya Chemaly, (backed by UN reports) Women perform 66% of the world's work, produce 50% of its food, earn a whooping 10% of its income & own 1% of the World's property.
I'm not saying all women must refrain from relationships and marriages, I'm just saying as a woman, what do you think about the facts above? Are you content with the inequality?
Women, for generations, have been raised to fit societal roles of a mother and a wife. It's time to take on another, as a powerful individual. Labels: blog, feminism, women, writing
1 Comments:
Post a Comment
|
addressing floating issues.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
I'm walking on the line towards one passion, and if you know me well, you know it's gender issues. But this isn't a post explaining how much I love it, and who Gloria Steinem is, it's about the little things I come across in my life that strengthens my belief that I'm on the right path.
I haven't come across a harsh discrimination in my life, however, a discrimination is still a discrimination. Sadly, when it comes to discrimination, some people don't know (subconsciously) it's something offensive. Collective images and lessons that we have learned in our lives, make us who we are today. And human beings are far from neutral, always leaning a little to one side.
It's the gender-stereotype slurs that I see everyday on my Facebook news feed. Posting funny pictures or jokes that drive towards gender inequality, getting 'Like' on that post, just because YOU think it has some truth to it.
It's the observation of women (including myself) towards men. And as a young girl, consuming hours of glossy magazines & now websites, my experience in gender issues lie in girl talks I have with fellow female peers.
So this is what ticks me off the most, this is what drives me to gender issue, and develop a stronger feeling towards being a women's activist.
1. It's the dependence.
You should really get your mental health checked if you think your only happiness and pleasure comes from one person; your boyfriend.
You're happy not because of ONE person, yes okay he might have made you laugh during breakfast lunch dinner, but your friends make pretty good jokes too! How about your mother? Or your father? They try to make jokes, too right? Lame but it's still a joke to them! When you discover old photos about your parents, didn't that make you laugh? Or when you watched that stand up comedian on Youtube? I bet he made you ROFL to the ground!
Also, think about your first 10 years. Your first laugh, your first joke, your first comic book. WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND THERE?
WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF THE THINGS THAT MADE YOU FEEL ENTERTAINED FOR THE FIRST 20 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE?
If he is, accurately for all btw, then good for you!
2. Getting a boyfriend, is always the easy way out.
I see people posting, 'I AM HAPPY' and the next they're like 'Life would be so much happier if I had a boyfriend.'
(IT IS DIFFERENT: if you post 'I AM HAPPY' but the next would be 'I AM EMO' cause that would just mean you're happy but you're sad the next, but you didn't state that YOU NEED SOMEONE TO LIFT THAT EMO-NESS)
It is not the easy way out, BY THE WAY. IT IS DOUBLE THE WORK.
Let's say, you're at your critical stage of University, and you feel a little lonely just cause you've got more free time. Getting a boyfriend will just make it more stressful. Imagine having to plan a week of hibernation to speed up your Uni work, but because you have a boyfriend you're gonna have to play the 'housewife' or the 'good girlfriend' even though he HAS NEVER asked you to play that role, but by motherly instinct you do. Your work gets put aside, you waste one week trying to make someone else happy. OK you may have made him say, "AWW" or smile or laugh, but he'll probably laugh harder seeing someone slip and fall because of a banana peel.
I understand if you know you're ready for a commitment and you state yourself, yes I am ready. Or other contributing factors. But if you don't really need someone, and if you're not ready, why would you burden yourself with one, that MIGHT lead to a bitter end anyway?
But if you really insist you're really THAT LONELY, and you have this loving character that needs to always care for someone, call them constantly, and feel the love back? Get a baby.
_______
I am human. I am prone to feelings I have said above and will no doubt ever deny that I have succumbed, and sometimes snap myself out of it only to find myself tempted to say, "Damn, I wish there was a guy that could help me move my boxes to my new house."
And these things I have said above, are not always entirely accurate to everyone I have come across. I have no hate for people who own behaviours above, and I don't suggest everybody to say no to relationships. Sure, it is nice to have someone to depend on. Some people want that.
But you came into this life alone, and many things can happen to you or that person you love, and if you rely all your purpose in life for that one person but God takes his/her life earlier than yours, then how would you live the rest of your age?
I'm growing passion for feminism, not because I hate men, or I want to be angry and attack stereotypes I come across in my life.
I just want women to be more powerful, in control of their lives, and that they have other choices too.
1 Comments:
Post a Comment
|
about being barefoot.
 "Wear your slippers!" I shook my head again and again. That was mostly one of the lines Dad used to say to me as a child, and today, he said it again.
I know he means well; the floor is dirty. But I like being barefoot. At any occasion I choose to take off my shoes and feel the ground - on the plane, in class, in the jungle, at the beach - I trust gravity more when I'm barefoot, having shoes feels like another whole load of sleeping bag to carry.
Before you go and box me as a hippie, I want to ask, which do you prefer? If you like being barefoot, read on, if you don't want to be convinced, then close the tab, because I'm sharing one perspective that is mine.
Conquering new lands on your bare feet feels much different than on a thick sole of winter boots. You know the cold, feel the moist and smell it almost instantly, like getting to know a braille alphabet and sinking into life's creation.
I put my bare feet out for a short stroll at the Anse Vata beach in Noumea, where I am currently residing. I feel the texture of the sand, and clear waters washing golden shells. As I step up to find my slippers near the pavement, I had to feel the grass where the palm trees were shading. The grass is cut short, dry, filled with washed sea shells and fallen autumn nuts. I walk to the shower area, my feet still feeling each curve of the soil, vulnerable to natural thorns and bodies of deceased insects.
As I wash the chunk of sands away, I examine my feet closer.
These feet have traveled to countable beaches, wore different made shoes, stepped on Asian, European & Pacific continents, and most of all, these feet still prance to joy whenever I get the chance to go barefoot in public. Labels: blog, life, writing
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
|
Life lessons #17383575.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
1. Everybody comes into your life for a reason. It may not be for "love" reasons, it may not be for reasons you want them to. But they come into your life anyway, and with all the chaotic emotions, you are constantly asking yourself how did they manage to get through that door. How did you let them make a difference in your life?
You may not find the answer today, you might find it three years later when you stumble across old photos. Or when you're a confused 21-year old, trying to find her place in the world and the words you utter are the ones someone from your past have once told you.
Oh the cliche.
This is obviously inspired by talks with friends who've recently broke up, or and the overwhelming rants on my Twitter timeline. Of course, I still give myself time to sulk over loss. But do you really want to spend the next few months of your life crying over something that did not happen, or try to make way for new opportunities to happen?
_________________________________________________________________________
2. I sat down with my mother and Valentina Sagala the other day, and we came to a discussion topic about identity.
Being a third culture kid, answering the 'Who Am I?' question might be heavier than most who aren't. We are so used to fixed social identities in elements of: gender, citizenship, culture, religion etc. But when one box is a blur, you might have difficulties getting to know yourself as a whole.
(Aunt/Kak) Valentina told me that in the military, the first test you have to go through is the Identity test. Who am I? If you can't answer that, you will not go through the next and eventually become a part of the army.
I'm not going to enter the military, however, I'm at the first year of my twenty-something and looking for that one focused interest, but I seem to want to dip my feet in multiple interests.
But these are the perfect years to be bi-experimental right?
I'm not in a rush to define myself, everybody's constantly changing anyway.
____________________________________________________________________________ Labels: blog, life lesson
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
|
To all the Indonesian Diplomat Kids.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
All the Indonesian Diplomat kids (whose parents work for the Department of Foreign Affairs) I met have one thing in common: getting bullied for speaking English as their first (or preferred) language.
You can't blame us for being dragged around the world at such a young age, and put into International Schools just because it's probably more challenging to learn a whole new obsecure foreign language. Most International Schools have similar curriculum, hence easier for us to adapt and transfer credits.
It's funny how the stories have the same outline: got back from foreign country, parents registered us in local/private school, and while we're adjusting to switching back language, our peers feel offended and decide to bully us for it. Not just the light teasing, "Why are you speaking English?", some made a big fuss about it, "She spoke English, what a SHOW OFF!"
Even as a victim at 12 years old, I never understood why they bullied us for it. It's just language? If I spoke in Javanese, or Icelandic, would they still bully me for it? Besides, English is a universal language and even taught in schools.
As we grew up, saw the multiculturalism growing in Indonesia and more pop cultures were adapted, we also observed a funny trend; our school bullies speaking, tweeting, facebooking in English.
And the Indonesian Diplomat kids that were aliens? Well, we indulge in pleasure whenever you try to speak to us in the language you once bullied us for.
What goes around, comes around eh?
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
|
first impressions, forever impressions.
A while back I had a meal with an acquaintance, someone I have always seemed close for years but never got to know personally. We exchanged conversation topics and finally saw each other as two individuals. I mentioned about my interest in anthropology, or sociology, or some sort as a possible future career field, and he frowned. As I asked him how his studies were going, he answered and ended, "But reading isn't your thing right?"
I felt offended, my ego heightened. I raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean I don't like to read?" It also didn't help that it's 2011 and I've only picked up 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad'.
I took a deep breath. It wasn't his fault. He was always in a fragment of my life where I mask my personality with a lightweight attitude; in short, social gatherings. Most of the time I don't try to pick up a topic of my choice to acquaintances, talking about mutual friends seem like a safer choice. I'd rather have them not listen to that The New Inquiry article I just read - I'd rather tweet, blog or Facebook about it.
Mostly I'm just angry at the mask I have decided on myself. A number of people 'Like' my Facebook status that said I'm a month off partying - some commented 'Impossible', while some were supportive which just confirms my identity of a girl who's strictly up for partying.
Yes I do love to go out and dance.Most of my acquaintances go out, and I'm blessed enough to be able to tag along. I love parties, and being 4 Fridays clean, the need to go out just grows.
But that's a fragment of my life.For the most part I'm a girl who consumes articles, essays and books. I'm following 400 people on Twitter, but I need it mostly for the newest information on all my interests.
I became defensive about the image and continued to justify myself, which turned into a big mess. I had nothing in my pocket but being able to finish my Bachelor's thesis on time - on the topic of gender and as thick as an encyclopedia. I wanted to prove a point. I wanted to fight an impression that has stuck with me for years in the eyes of acquaintances.
But then again, it isn't their fault.
I love to party, I love to be the camera owner of the night because I want pictures of myself, my friends, and that I have the first (sometimes the only) say in how the night would be remembered. But that's just a fragment of my life.
Most of the time, I'm a third culture kid who struggles with settling, identifies with anthropology, feminism, pop culture and social media through writing. So don't you ever, ever, tell me I'm not capable of doing research. Don't you ever, ever, ever, tell me I am not familiar with reading or writing.
Call me fat, call me ugly, call me a bitch.
But don't ever call me stupid. Labels: blog, writing
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
|
21 in 12..
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I wrote this 12 days before I turned 21 a while back on a private platform, hence the title: 21 in 12.
#birthdaywishlist sister, mummy’s comforting smell in the morning,
daddy’s crazy dance to Lady Gaga’s Alejandro, time machine, Lightsaber, a
voucher to the plastic surgeon, a house full of dusty Philosophy and
Literature books, a tub of belgian chocolate ice cream, a poet’s
handwritten journal, golden beach sands in a bottle, a vintage wedding
ring, Ariel (of the Little Mermaid) voice box, french speaking pair of
lips, anything in silk.
21 in 12 days, and a rush of life settles uncomfortably on my
shoulder. People tell me, they’ve been through it before, the heavy
reality that 21 symbolizes that teenagehood ended over a year ago, and
flashbacks will come haunting.
I’m taking my Paolo Nutini record for a run - and I only do, in
moments of heartaches. But I feel that, this time, the lyrics are
appropriate to the age of my existence.
I envisioned myself to be a in different version - definitely in much
better exterior and knowledgeable mind. What did I end up with? 15kg
overweight, an average passion towards academics and several life
lessons - nothing special.
I’ve always talked about being afraid to drown in the city commotion,
but I already have. The paths I’m building will lead me there - there
is absolutely nothing special about me in comparison to the 6 billion
people in this world. I’m just a tiny unit stepping on vulnerable
ground, and soon I will fade into earth, just like humans are destined
to be.
What is the point of all this? What is the point of living when we all die in the end?
What is the point of paying hundreds for gym membership, for
University, for health (when we all are going to deteriorate anyway),
for therapy, for beauty, for nightlife, for music, for movies, for a
luxury car (that will look the same as a cheap one, if you run a
bulldozer over it), for worldly unnecessaries?
I feel logic slipping away, my body still running, but my soul has escalated into the past.
21, one way ticket to adulthood.
1 Comments:
Post a Comment
|
something personal.
It's an hour into Wednesday and I've yet to obey my 12 o'clock
bedtime (I swear it only happens when I'm living under my parents'
roof).
I'm homesick. So far away from all the things I
believe in, so far from the things I'm a slave to. I hear things - from
the social media accessibility, but I can't touch. I can't change, I
can't shift, I can't feel - I can only observe. I'm a prisoner of my own
choice, perhaps, I should look at this differently.
Friends tell me, they would much rather be in my shoes. Few
months off life after graduation, in Pacific Islands, doing nothing but
pursuing things that I want for betterment of my soul. But I did not
want to take a break, I insist on being in a rush to grow up, because a
few months off would mean blowing away an opportunity that could have
been mine. That could have probably, made me a complete human being.
There it is again, the idealistic in me prances around, riding each path I consider, creating disappointments in illusions.
I read a philosophy book late last year, which said; You need friends to always reconfirm your identity.
I
am going to be without friends for the next few months, therefore I can
be whoever. I can re-invent myself. And when I decide I like the
change, I'm going to come back home with a fresh point of view. Perhaps,
one that fits a growing 21-year old?
There it is again. Idealistic thought, tsk tsk tsk.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
|
Thoughts on Gloria's article & The Playboy Club.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Saturday night reading Gloria Steinem's 1963 undercover piece 'I was a Playboy Bunny', which you can find here:
http://www.gloriasteinem.com/storage/I%20Was%20a%20Playboy%20Bunny.pdf
It isn't the free will of the working girl I am against. The existence of this sexual industry makes it seem okay (and supportive) for men to degrade women. Whether sexual favours are being exchanged or not (the rules at the Playboy Club as read on 'I Was a Playboy Bunny' said no sexual relationship unless etc etc), it is still a place where men and women are not equal.
That would be the first problem.
Men come as visitors, guests, which mean they have to be served. Women, dressed in the shortest most seducing outfits as possible, "serve" their male guests.
Men are rewarded for their dominance in the real world, this showed in the Club's system of Membership Key and further on, Number One Key holders. Again, this is a clear reality that men are celebrated for their power.
Though packaged in a pretty big bow, the birth of 'The Playboy Club' as a TV series (2011) would support the humanization of gender inequality in a form of entertainment. Being the flawed human that I am, I gaze upon the beautiful costumes on TV when it's Pilot aired. I internalized the images, most of all I love the cinematography and wish it would stay for a while instead of those distasteful Reality TV shots.
But having to watch 'The Playboy Club' every week would mean I root for "working women". It would mean that perhaps, by the end of the season, disillusioned by Hollywood's pretty cinematography, I'd be okay with it as a part of TV history.
" Messy hair, bad hair & bad makeup cost five demerits each". As said in Miss Representation, take apart knowledge, women will always be judged by their looks. And we are brought up to achieve all those in addition to good looks as the finishing polish.Not going to complain, I personally love dolling up, but to put looks as a work pressure (in this case a punishment) instead of a personal grooming choice?
Anyway, this brings me to today's world. Strippers and prostitutes. Same difference. I know, I know, prostitutes engage in sexual activities, strippers do not, but what's the difference if the male dominance is asserted and gender inequality is practiced?
I'd like to ask one thing though. As an admirer of beautiful women myself, what would be the alternative?
I stumbled on an interesting article on Jezebel, which tackled myths about sex and gender. Click here:
http://jezebel.com/5849842/six-myths-about-sex-and-gender-busted?tag=gender
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
|
|
.
Monday, November 21, 2011
The best faces in this world are the ones that lights up when they talk about their passion. They find reasons to bring up this one and only interest of theirs, be it crafting, stamp collecting or even politics. They can spend hours arguing on it, not because they will get emotions involved, but because it triggers a fire in them to always be better, to always go deeper into said interest.
Because those varieties run the economy, they run this world.
|
On marriage & equality..
Monday, November 14, 2011
The first I heard of Malaysia's Obedient Wives Club was when my Journalist friend told me she got back from their first meeting (as an assignment). Then some of my friends grew angry on social network, about the news of this new club. Many were talking about the fact that they said, "We want to teach wives to be more appealing, alluring to their husbands, so that they (husbands) won't stray to prostitutes."
For a while now, I had said nothing. Because I didn't want to say something out of rage.
But today I've decided to publish my opinion.
1. Obedient Wives Club is a sign that Patriarchy is winning in Third World Countries.
Many individual stories about men patronizing women in everyday context, but OWC took the headlines. OWC made it very clear that women choose to adapt to men, than seek pleasure of their own.
It's not the marriage that I am against. I believe in love, I believe in marriage, I believe in being a good person when in relationship. However, the formation of OWC is clearly to "be an obedient wife so the men don't go to prostitutes".
Let's break down that motto
Be an obedient wife: This is already a gender biased sentence. Marriage is a commitment between 2 people.
Anthropologically speaking, and mentioned in a great article 'All the Single Ladies by Kate Bolick' (link), before "love marriages" came about, marriage was about building bridges among two families. Each family have a property/land/income of their own, and would like to expand their businesses and generations. So before Romeo and Juliet fought for love and ran away, marriages was an equal agreement on economic grounds and mutual interests.
Forward to the age of 'love marriages', where "two people in love" is always the big headline of the wedding day, therefore that same headline must be brought to the marriage, yes? That means, whatever decisions in marriage, must be a compromise or a middle ground. Both have a say.
That 'obedient wife' phrase just blew equality to the ground. If a wife must be obedient, then husbands should be too. That means, if their wives are obedient, and have vowed to be obedient, the husbands must also take on the title of being 'the obedient husband'. Now that's equality.
So men don't go to prostitutes - feminism fights for equality and human rights. Some women may or may not choose to go into prostitution. But that is their right. You may disagree and say, their profession is disrespectful, but it is their right to be in that profession. Just like how people choose to be Doctors, or Lawyers.
By saying that 2nd motto above, OWC not only creates a clear distinction between 'Wives' and 'The Other Woman (Prostitutes)' but subconsciously fights their own gender. Its women versus women here. The only difference is that one is married to the man, the other is not.
How are we going to achieve equality if we're fighting amongst ourselves? How are we going to fight patriarchy, if we're still creating class and distinction among women?
2. On polygamy.
Having a stand against or for polygamy is human rights. But personally, in the context of equality, if men are allowed to do one thing, women should too.
So, if men are allowed to have 4 wives, women should be allowed to have 4 husbands. And that is the answer I'm going to give, if God forbid, my future husband asks me what would I think if he were to take up another wife,
"Okay, so you want another wife? I'll say yes. But that means I can marry another man."
The other issue on polygamy is that, they said, men who are polygamous must be fair towards all 4 women.
Women are capable of being polygamous too. Women are able to divide their attention to all their children and husband. Women are able to juggle careers and their family. When women generate income, it would be for a family.
As said in this article, (link) written by Soraya Chemaly, (backed by UN reports) Women perform 66% of the world's work, produce 50% of its food, earn a whooping 10% of its income & own 1% of the World's property.
I'm not saying all women must refrain from relationships and marriages, I'm just saying as a woman, what do you think about the facts above? Are you content with the inequality?
Women, for generations, have been raised to fit societal roles of a mother and a wife. It's time to take on another, as a powerful individual. Labels: blog, feminism, women, writing
|
addressing floating issues.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
I'm walking on the line towards one passion, and if you know me well, you know it's gender issues. But this isn't a post explaining how much I love it, and who Gloria Steinem is, it's about the little things I come across in my life that strengthens my belief that I'm on the right path.
I haven't come across a harsh discrimination in my life, however, a discrimination is still a discrimination. Sadly, when it comes to discrimination, some people don't know (subconsciously) it's something offensive. Collective images and lessons that we have learned in our lives, make us who we are today. And human beings are far from neutral, always leaning a little to one side.
It's the gender-stereotype slurs that I see everyday on my Facebook news feed. Posting funny pictures or jokes that drive towards gender inequality, getting 'Like' on that post, just because YOU think it has some truth to it.
It's the observation of women (including myself) towards men. And as a young girl, consuming hours of glossy magazines & now websites, my experience in gender issues lie in girl talks I have with fellow female peers.
So this is what ticks me off the most, this is what drives me to gender issue, and develop a stronger feeling towards being a women's activist.
1. It's the dependence.
You should really get your mental health checked if you think your only happiness and pleasure comes from one person; your boyfriend.
You're happy not because of ONE person, yes okay he might have made you laugh during breakfast lunch dinner, but your friends make pretty good jokes too! How about your mother? Or your father? They try to make jokes, too right? Lame but it's still a joke to them! When you discover old photos about your parents, didn't that make you laugh? Or when you watched that stand up comedian on Youtube? I bet he made you ROFL to the ground!
Also, think about your first 10 years. Your first laugh, your first joke, your first comic book. WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND THERE?
WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF THE THINGS THAT MADE YOU FEEL ENTERTAINED FOR THE FIRST 20 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE?
If he is, accurately for all btw, then good for you!
2. Getting a boyfriend, is always the easy way out.
I see people posting, 'I AM HAPPY' and the next they're like 'Life would be so much happier if I had a boyfriend.'
(IT IS DIFFERENT: if you post 'I AM HAPPY' but the next would be 'I AM EMO' cause that would just mean you're happy but you're sad the next, but you didn't state that YOU NEED SOMEONE TO LIFT THAT EMO-NESS)
It is not the easy way out, BY THE WAY. IT IS DOUBLE THE WORK.
Let's say, you're at your critical stage of University, and you feel a little lonely just cause you've got more free time. Getting a boyfriend will just make it more stressful. Imagine having to plan a week of hibernation to speed up your Uni work, but because you have a boyfriend you're gonna have to play the 'housewife' or the 'good girlfriend' even though he HAS NEVER asked you to play that role, but by motherly instinct you do. Your work gets put aside, you waste one week trying to make someone else happy. OK you may have made him say, "AWW" or smile or laugh, but he'll probably laugh harder seeing someone slip and fall because of a banana peel.
I understand if you know you're ready for a commitment and you state yourself, yes I am ready. Or other contributing factors. But if you don't really need someone, and if you're not ready, why would you burden yourself with one, that MIGHT lead to a bitter end anyway?
But if you really insist you're really THAT LONELY, and you have this loving character that needs to always care for someone, call them constantly, and feel the love back? Get a baby.
_______
I am human. I am prone to feelings I have said above and will no doubt ever deny that I have succumbed, and sometimes snap myself out of it only to find myself tempted to say, "Damn, I wish there was a guy that could help me move my boxes to my new house."
And these things I have said above, are not always entirely accurate to everyone I have come across. I have no hate for people who own behaviours above, and I don't suggest everybody to say no to relationships. Sure, it is nice to have someone to depend on. Some people want that.
But you came into this life alone, and many things can happen to you or that person you love, and if you rely all your purpose in life for that one person but God takes his/her life earlier than yours, then how would you live the rest of your age?
I'm growing passion for feminism, not because I hate men, or I want to be angry and attack stereotypes I come across in my life.
I just want women to be more powerful, in control of their lives, and that they have other choices too.
|
about being barefoot.
"Wear your slippers!" I shook my head again and again. That was mostly one of the lines Dad used to say to me as a child, and today, he said it again.
I know he means well; the floor is dirty. But I like being barefoot. At any occasion I choose to take off my shoes and feel the ground - on the plane, in class, in the jungle, at the beach - I trust gravity more when I'm barefoot, having shoes feels like another whole load of sleeping bag to carry.
Before you go and box me as a hippie, I want to ask, which do you prefer? If you like being barefoot, read on, if you don't want to be convinced, then close the tab, because I'm sharing one perspective that is mine.
Conquering new lands on your bare feet feels much different than on a thick sole of winter boots. You know the cold, feel the moist and smell it almost instantly, like getting to know a braille alphabet and sinking into life's creation.
I put my bare feet out for a short stroll at the Anse Vata beach in Noumea, where I am currently residing. I feel the texture of the sand, and clear waters washing golden shells. As I step up to find my slippers near the pavement, I had to feel the grass where the palm trees were shading. The grass is cut short, dry, filled with washed sea shells and fallen autumn nuts. I walk to the shower area, my feet still feeling each curve of the soil, vulnerable to natural thorns and bodies of deceased insects.
As I wash the chunk of sands away, I examine my feet closer.
These feet have traveled to countable beaches, wore different made shoes, stepped on Asian, European & Pacific continents, and most of all, these feet still prance to joy whenever I get the chance to go barefoot in public. Labels: blog, life, writing
|
Life lessons #17383575.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
1. Everybody comes into your life for a reason. It may not be for "love" reasons, it may not be for reasons you want them to. But they come into your life anyway, and with all the chaotic emotions, you are constantly asking yourself how did they manage to get through that door. How did you let them make a difference in your life?
You may not find the answer today, you might find it three years later when you stumble across old photos. Or when you're a confused 21-year old, trying to find her place in the world and the words you utter are the ones someone from your past have once told you.
Oh the cliche.
This is obviously inspired by talks with friends who've recently broke up, or and the overwhelming rants on my Twitter timeline. Of course, I still give myself time to sulk over loss. But do you really want to spend the next few months of your life crying over something that did not happen, or try to make way for new opportunities to happen?
_________________________________________________________________________
2. I sat down with my mother and Valentina Sagala the other day, and we came to a discussion topic about identity.
Being a third culture kid, answering the 'Who Am I?' question might be heavier than most who aren't. We are so used to fixed social identities in elements of: gender, citizenship, culture, religion etc. But when one box is a blur, you might have difficulties getting to know yourself as a whole.
(Aunt/Kak) Valentina told me that in the military, the first test you have to go through is the Identity test. Who am I? If you can't answer that, you will not go through the next and eventually become a part of the army.
I'm not going to enter the military, however, I'm at the first year of my twenty-something and looking for that one focused interest, but I seem to want to dip my feet in multiple interests.
But these are the perfect years to be bi-experimental right?
I'm not in a rush to define myself, everybody's constantly changing anyway.
____________________________________________________________________________ Labels: blog, life lesson
|
To all the Indonesian Diplomat Kids.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
All the Indonesian Diplomat kids (whose parents work for the Department of Foreign Affairs) I met have one thing in common: getting bullied for speaking English as their first (or preferred) language.
You can't blame us for being dragged around the world at such a young age, and put into International Schools just because it's probably more challenging to learn a whole new obsecure foreign language. Most International Schools have similar curriculum, hence easier for us to adapt and transfer credits.
It's funny how the stories have the same outline: got back from foreign country, parents registered us in local/private school, and while we're adjusting to switching back language, our peers feel offended and decide to bully us for it. Not just the light teasing, "Why are you speaking English?", some made a big fuss about it, "She spoke English, what a SHOW OFF!"
Even as a victim at 12 years old, I never understood why they bullied us for it. It's just language? If I spoke in Javanese, or Icelandic, would they still bully me for it? Besides, English is a universal language and even taught in schools.
As we grew up, saw the multiculturalism growing in Indonesia and more pop cultures were adapted, we also observed a funny trend; our school bullies speaking, tweeting, facebooking in English.
And the Indonesian Diplomat kids that were aliens? Well, we indulge in pleasure whenever you try to speak to us in the language you once bullied us for.
What goes around, comes around eh?
|
first impressions, forever impressions.
A while back I had a meal with an acquaintance, someone I have always seemed close for years but never got to know personally. We exchanged conversation topics and finally saw each other as two individuals. I mentioned about my interest in anthropology, or sociology, or some sort as a possible future career field, and he frowned. As I asked him how his studies were going, he answered and ended, "But reading isn't your thing right?"
I felt offended, my ego heightened. I raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean I don't like to read?" It also didn't help that it's 2011 and I've only picked up 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad'.
I took a deep breath. It wasn't his fault. He was always in a fragment of my life where I mask my personality with a lightweight attitude; in short, social gatherings. Most of the time I don't try to pick up a topic of my choice to acquaintances, talking about mutual friends seem like a safer choice. I'd rather have them not listen to that The New Inquiry article I just read - I'd rather tweet, blog or Facebook about it.
Mostly I'm just angry at the mask I have decided on myself. A number of people 'Like' my Facebook status that said I'm a month off partying - some commented 'Impossible', while some were supportive which just confirms my identity of a girl who's strictly up for partying.
Yes I do love to go out and dance.Most of my acquaintances go out, and I'm blessed enough to be able to tag along. I love parties, and being 4 Fridays clean, the need to go out just grows.
But that's a fragment of my life.For the most part I'm a girl who consumes articles, essays and books. I'm following 400 people on Twitter, but I need it mostly for the newest information on all my interests.
I became defensive about the image and continued to justify myself, which turned into a big mess. I had nothing in my pocket but being able to finish my Bachelor's thesis on time - on the topic of gender and as thick as an encyclopedia. I wanted to prove a point. I wanted to fight an impression that has stuck with me for years in the eyes of acquaintances.
But then again, it isn't their fault.
I love to party, I love to be the camera owner of the night because I want pictures of myself, my friends, and that I have the first (sometimes the only) say in how the night would be remembered. But that's just a fragment of my life.
Most of the time, I'm a third culture kid who struggles with settling, identifies with anthropology, feminism, pop culture and social media through writing. So don't you ever, ever, tell me I'm not capable of doing research. Don't you ever, ever, ever, tell me I am not familiar with reading or writing.
Call me fat, call me ugly, call me a bitch.
But don't ever call me stupid. Labels: blog, writing
|
21 in 12..
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I wrote this 12 days before I turned 21 a while back on a private platform, hence the title: 21 in 12.
#birthdaywishlist sister, mummy’s comforting smell in the morning,
daddy’s crazy dance to Lady Gaga’s Alejandro, time machine, Lightsaber, a
voucher to the plastic surgeon, a house full of dusty Philosophy and
Literature books, a tub of belgian chocolate ice cream, a poet’s
handwritten journal, golden beach sands in a bottle, a vintage wedding
ring, Ariel (of the Little Mermaid) voice box, french speaking pair of
lips, anything in silk.
21 in 12 days, and a rush of life settles uncomfortably on my
shoulder. People tell me, they’ve been through it before, the heavy
reality that 21 symbolizes that teenagehood ended over a year ago, and
flashbacks will come haunting.
I’m taking my Paolo Nutini record for a run - and I only do, in
moments of heartaches. But I feel that, this time, the lyrics are
appropriate to the age of my existence.
I envisioned myself to be a in different version - definitely in much
better exterior and knowledgeable mind. What did I end up with? 15kg
overweight, an average passion towards academics and several life
lessons - nothing special.
I’ve always talked about being afraid to drown in the city commotion,
but I already have. The paths I’m building will lead me there - there
is absolutely nothing special about me in comparison to the 6 billion
people in this world. I’m just a tiny unit stepping on vulnerable
ground, and soon I will fade into earth, just like humans are destined
to be.
What is the point of all this? What is the point of living when we all die in the end?
What is the point of paying hundreds for gym membership, for
University, for health (when we all are going to deteriorate anyway),
for therapy, for beauty, for nightlife, for music, for movies, for a
luxury car (that will look the same as a cheap one, if you run a
bulldozer over it), for worldly unnecessaries?
I feel logic slipping away, my body still running, but my soul has escalated into the past.
21, one way ticket to adulthood.
|
something personal.
It's an hour into Wednesday and I've yet to obey my 12 o'clock
bedtime (I swear it only happens when I'm living under my parents'
roof).
I'm homesick. So far away from all the things I
believe in, so far from the things I'm a slave to. I hear things - from
the social media accessibility, but I can't touch. I can't change, I
can't shift, I can't feel - I can only observe. I'm a prisoner of my own
choice, perhaps, I should look at this differently.
Friends tell me, they would much rather be in my shoes. Few
months off life after graduation, in Pacific Islands, doing nothing but
pursuing things that I want for betterment of my soul. But I did not
want to take a break, I insist on being in a rush to grow up, because a
few months off would mean blowing away an opportunity that could have
been mine. That could have probably, made me a complete human being.
There it is again, the idealistic in me prances around, riding each path I consider, creating disappointments in illusions.
I read a philosophy book late last year, which said; You need friends to always reconfirm your identity.
I
am going to be without friends for the next few months, therefore I can
be whoever. I can re-invent myself. And when I decide I like the
change, I'm going to come back home with a fresh point of view. Perhaps,
one that fits a growing 21-year old?
There it is again. Idealistic thought, tsk tsk tsk.
|
Thoughts on Gloria's article & The Playboy Club.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Saturday night reading Gloria Steinem's 1963 undercover piece 'I was a Playboy Bunny', which you can find here:
http://www.gloriasteinem.com/storage/I%20Was%20a%20Playboy%20Bunny.pdf
It isn't the free will of the working girl I am against. The existence of this sexual industry makes it seem okay (and supportive) for men to degrade women. Whether sexual favours are being exchanged or not (the rules at the Playboy Club as read on 'I Was a Playboy Bunny' said no sexual relationship unless etc etc), it is still a place where men and women are not equal.
That would be the first problem.
Men come as visitors, guests, which mean they have to be served. Women, dressed in the shortest most seducing outfits as possible, "serve" their male guests.
Men are rewarded for their dominance in the real world, this showed in the Club's system of Membership Key and further on, Number One Key holders. Again, this is a clear reality that men are celebrated for their power.
Though packaged in a pretty big bow, the birth of 'The Playboy Club' as a TV series (2011) would support the humanization of gender inequality in a form of entertainment. Being the flawed human that I am, I gaze upon the beautiful costumes on TV when it's Pilot aired. I internalized the images, most of all I love the cinematography and wish it would stay for a while instead of those distasteful Reality TV shots.
But having to watch 'The Playboy Club' every week would mean I root for "working women". It would mean that perhaps, by the end of the season, disillusioned by Hollywood's pretty cinematography, I'd be okay with it as a part of TV history.
" Messy hair, bad hair & bad makeup cost five demerits each". As said in Miss Representation, take apart knowledge, women will always be judged by their looks. And we are brought up to achieve all those in addition to good looks as the finishing polish.Not going to complain, I personally love dolling up, but to put looks as a work pressure (in this case a punishment) instead of a personal grooming choice?
Anyway, this brings me to today's world. Strippers and prostitutes. Same difference. I know, I know, prostitutes engage in sexual activities, strippers do not, but what's the difference if the male dominance is asserted and gender inequality is practiced?
I'd like to ask one thing though. As an admirer of beautiful women myself, what would be the alternative?
I stumbled on an interesting article on Jezebel, which tackled myths about sex and gender. Click here:
http://jezebel.com/5849842/six-myths-about-sex-and-gender-busted?tag=gender
|
|
By post:
The best faces in this world are the ones that li...
On marriage & equality.
addressing floating issues
about being barefoot
Life lessons #17383575
To all the Indonesian Diplomat Kids
first impressions, forever impressions
21 in 12.
something personal
Thoughts on Gloria's article & The Playboy Club
By month:
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
October 2011
November 2011
|
This is my manual.
A third culture kid by nurture and naturally conservative. I'm everything in between. .
Facebook
Chictopia
Tongue in Chic
@pluralfiction
SIEG Magazine
Email
▲
|
Adam Dewind
Aiman Ariffin
Aimi Azizan
Ami Schaheera
Ashwin Royan
Cecilia Yong
Charissa Chin
Daenesh Kumar
Dessy Septiane
Diana Ang
Eka Nazhwa
Emily Cheah
Farah
Fatima Haron
Gabby Hakim
Ginny Yap
Gwen Yeoh
Herman Ramanado
Nabila Fachir
Made Indriani
Isabelle Lai
Jeslin Lam
Jess Chong
JuLi Chai
Karen Lim
Kish Roslan
May Jean
Leonard Chua
Ririe Rachmawaty
Mom
Aghnia Muthi
Nadhrah Nurdinie
Nik Michael Imran
Nidianti Koeswardana
Raja Aliff
Rizuan Arus
Sara Liyana
Shannon Goh
Steven Ramanado
Shrieking Monkeys
Thevetia Romeiza
Tiara Ayuwardani
Triffany Linda Leo
Vivien
Wazir Aziz
Wong Boon Ken
Yana Kazman
Yip
Zaim Ismail Zeid
Zafirah Hanis
!@%&
|
"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
"
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again. 
